


Enansal

by nyxxbx



Series: Bel'annar'is [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Lavellan/Solas Angst (Dragon Age), Post-Dragon Age: Inquisition - Trespasser DLC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:09:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24025612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyxxbx/pseuds/nyxxbx
Summary: Fen'rei Lavellan is plagued by his presence, even after his confession to his true nature.A small prologue about chapters to come about Fen'rei's time within the Inquisition.
Relationships: Female Lavellan/Solas, Lavellan & Solas
Series: Bel'annar'is [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1733095
Kudos: 13





	Enansal

The moon shined upon the protruding, crystal-white trees, making their shadows seem like spirits, shifting through the darkness and the growing, freezing blizzard. An elf, gasping from exertion and pain, moved across the white canvas, her knees buckling as they pushed through the snow. One of her hands gripped her rising belly, her eyes wildly searching for a place where an illusion of safety was settled. The other hand gripped the arrow stuck within her thigh, the sharp edge embedded deeply within her flesh. Tears, shed and unshed, clung to her cheekbones, freezing and making the porcelain skin crack. Blood, clotted, frozen and still liquid, burned across her neck, burned within her being as she struggled to maintain a steady pace.

In the growing storm, she could not see where she was going, and with the soft cushions of snow underneath her ill-equipped feet, disorientation was imminent. The screams from her clan, her family that she lost were still spread around her and she was not certain whether they were a product of her own panicked mind or real, agonising and so very heartbreaking. A sharp kick to her stomach earned her unborn child a yelp from her wounded mother. She gripped her belly tighter, cursing loudly, the syllables moving like echoes as the wind carried them. Another kick moved from within her, the child protesting against her stomach, and she stumbled, hands landing into the freezing, burning snow. 

"What perfect timing you have.. _esha'lin_. ." she exhaled, hands gripping and tightening, and she tried to focus on the feeling of snow turning into water in her hands and not on the agonising pain coming from her thigh, her stomach, her head, her heart. 

"Moe'ror is going- _ah_!", another cutting kick landed and she gritted her teeth. "He's going to have his hands full with you.." Her vision was turning blurry, hands, shoulders, legs shaking and she bit her lip so she could stop it from shaking too. 

Murmuring a few words, she tried casting a spell, desperately clinging to the last remnants of energy within her, but to no avail. She could not perish like this, she could not let _her_ child perish like this either. The wind howled against her sharp ears, the sensitive tips hurting as snow fell on her tattered form. Her mind swirled back to the dream she had once she found out she was expecting. The red eyes still sent shivers up her spine, the snarling grin etched into the beast's jaws. Green gems sparkled behind him as he lurked, circling a shadow as if awaiting to simply devour it. She could not let her child perish because of her. Because she believed the dream, premonition, to bring peril and ruin. 

She was not a monster. She was a mother. _Mamae_. 

If she could not hear her child's first utter of those words, she would make sure that the clan would, that its family would. 

Rising up on shaky legs, she limped forward, ignoring the mistiness of her surroundings, the disorientating feeling growing inside her head. It was always destined that her own mortality would be her undoing. It was everyone's undoing. They were nothing but speckles of dust, trying desperately to keep the ancient history alive and breathing, even when it had disappeared long ago. No determination, no stubbornness, no blood magic could stop the lullaby of death. 

It was here. And it had extended its hand. 

Din'ael stumbled once again, landing on her back. Her hands immediately grabbed her belly protectively, praying to the Creators that they let her da'len, her vhenan survive, to let her innocence prevail the clutches of the dark lady of death. Her eyes opened, blinking, trying to wash away the blurriness in her vision. As her piercing silver eyes focused on the statue above her, snow fell and the wind seemed to slow down as she stared at the prideful wolf above her, the empty, stone eyes momentarily lighting up in a crimson colour as she remembered her dream. 

The Dread Wolf statue stood proudly amidst the storm, the freezing particles barely grazing its form, almost as if they were afraid to anger the trickster god. Din'ael felt a shiver shake her body, her throat tightening as she let out a painful whimper. 

" _Fen'harel_.." she murmured, her lips quirking up a cynical chuckle. "How appropriate," she circled her belly, "it.. it would seem that your future is already way ahead of you, _esha'lin_." She let out a laugh. "Just please.. _Mythal_.. grant me this final favour. _Mana, ma halani.._ " she whispered in a frenzy, eyes staring up at the Dread Wolf. 

She felt peace. The pain that was coursing through her body was numbing, her fingers barely managing to hold onto her belly. " _Ma ghilana mir din'an.. Ir abelas.. ir abelas, vhenan-"_

A frenzy of words swirled and the woman clutching her worn form perished as another form took her place. Fen'rei stared numbly ahead of her, realising where she was, realising that The Fade had granted her another recount of her birth. She leaned back onto the cold stone of the statue, golden eyes staring at the form of Fen'harel above her, the same sight her mother had last seen all those years ago. She clenched her left hand, feeling the raw power that once subsided there, the feeling of actually possessing it quite welcome. 

_"Ir abelas, vhenan."_ She could still hear her mother utter and remnants of her voice combined with that of her lover, of her other part that had so harshly destroyed her sanity. 

She was not certain if it was her heart hurting or if she was simply imagining the pain of being lied to, of the distrust he gave her even after she shared so much of her intimacy with him. And yet, what was she expecting? Her people did not call him the Trickster God for nothing. The bitter taste that she felt the moment she thought of them as her people, left her feeling angry once more. It was a cycle. A cycle of emotions and sensations she could not understand and did not know how to stop. 

His presence was everywhere. The rotunda she narrowly avoided each day. Tea with just a hint of sugar that grazed her lips each morning as they awakened. The moon that reminded her of the howls of the wolves which immediately brought back memories of her realisation at what he really was. His first touch that seemed so real despite it happening in The Fade. He was everywhere. He was here, right now. She could sense him, just behind the statue, paws echoing against the snow, a silent whisper of his hesitation, his restraint. Both of those, she knew very well. 

Fen'rei was aware he could experience the emotions coursing through her. She was aware of his desperation too, and yet she knew that if she turned around he would snap her out of this lucid dream in fear of breaking, in fear of embracing her. He was one step away from falling into the abyss. Abyss she presented to him, so warm, understanding, fulfilling, familiar. 

" _Tel'abelas_." She could feel her lips moving, feel her voice dancing in the air. And she felt his gasp, once he heard her. 

These torturous dreams started only a month ago and yet this was the first time she had allowed herself to speak. She wanted to hear him too. She needed to hear his voice. His presence was not enough. His red eyes focused on her form and he remained silent, refusing to give into the temptation. Tears of denial, love, heartbreak sprung to her eyes and she let out a sob, hands clenching as she tried, desperately, not to turn around, to find peace in the mere presence of his, the only thing left of them. Her eyes closed fiercely, refusing to shed the liquid of despair. 

" _Ma enansal.._ " 

She gasped, jolting forward as she heard the soft voice, cracking at the edges, restraining, pushing at the boundaries that he enforced. My blessing. The adoration that spread through her was sudden and she could not help herself. Turning she was greeted by the redness of the black wolf's eyes, its gaze intensely burning through them both as they laid eyes upon each other. Uncontrollable, really, her hand reached, a flicker of pain crossing his eyes as he saw her move forward. This was the most he had allowed. 

A ghost of her touch grazed his magical energy and he let out a whimper. 

And then.. he was _gone_. 

**Author's Note:**

> Elvhen taken from Fenxshiral's Project Elvhen!
> 
> esha'lin - child  
> Mana, ma halani (from in-game dialogue) - Help me  
> Ma ghilana mir din'an - Guide me into death  
> Ir abelas - I am sorry  
> Vhenan - heart, home  
> Tel'abelas - I am not sorry  
> Ma enansal - my blessing


End file.
